Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Today I want to say happy holidays to all my readers and a huge thank you for visiting Get In the Hot Spot and hanging out with me here.

Lately I’ve realised I was crazy to write about personal development ~ it’s a flooded subject and highly competitive too. But looking back I didn’t choose personal development, it seemed to choose me.

My Dream

Get In the Hot Spot grew organically and I hope to differentiate myself from other personal development bloggers by being ‘the dream woman’. The person who not only encourages and shows people how to live their dream but also walks the walk and dares to be different. Most of all I want to write articles that are concise, real and useful.

My Suppport Network

Since I started blogging I’ve had brilliant support from friends and relatives and I’ve also enjoyed encouragement, comments, empathy and feedback from many other bloggers.

They’re an amazing bunch of people in far flung corners of the world. Many of them write personal development or lifestyle design blogs themselves, while others shudder at the very thought of personal development and have carved out more tangible niches for themselves in business or blog instruction.

To acknowledge their place in my blogging world and to introduce them to my readers and each other I’ve created an awards list. There’s a big wide world of blogs out here but I think there’s room for all of us.

Thank you

Thanks again to all my dear readers, faithful friends and fellow bloggers.  And good luck with all your plans in 2010.

GITHS 2009 Blogging Awards Results

Most Accessible Blogging Star

Darren at Problogger

Most Radical Blogging Star

Leo at Zen Habits

Most Dedicated

Seth at Blogussion

Most Domesticated Goddess

Connie at Daytona Food Examiner

Sweetest

Fida at Unusual Travel Destinations

Healthiest

Fiona  at Writ Large

Most Hard Working

Nicholas at Site Sketch 101

Most Graphic

Stephen at Human Explosion

Most Paradoxical

Lisis at Quest for Balance

Most Positive

Lori at Jane Be Nimble

Most Off the Wall

Gordie at Lifestyle Design For You

Most Gung Ho

Karol at Ridiculously Extraordinary

Cleverest

Robin at Radsmarts

Sexiest

Kelly at Cleavage

Most Honest

Dani at Positively Present

Most Zen

Walter at Lion Slinger

Most Touching

Oscar at Freestyle Mind

Zaniest

Cheryl at That Girl is Funny

Most Controversial

Hishaman at My Thinking Life

Most Passionate

JD Meier at Sources of Insight

Most Unique

Hilary at Positive Letters

Sunniest

Dayne at The Happy Self

Most Mysterious

Eric at Eden Journal

Strongest

Josh Hanagarne at World’s Strongest Librarian

Most Enthusiastic

Randall at Travel Ph

Most Generous

Brandi at 2inspired

Most Outrageous Speller

Srinivas Rao at Skool of Life

Most Qualified

Alex at Someday Syndrome

Oh dear, I’m sure there are some lovely people I’ve forgotten to mention. Please forgive me and leave a comment.

Is there anyone in your life who deserves an award?

Thanks for reading and happy holidays everyone

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Thank you! I can’t offer you any incentives, free gifts or prize giveaways but I do promise to keep writing quality articles that I hope will inspire, encourage and inform us all on how we can get closer to living our dream life.

7 Numbered Lists Worth Checking Out

7 Good reasons To Go For a Walk

101 Ways To Feel Happy

3 Keys To Living Your Dream

10 Things To Be Grateful For and Why You Should Be

5 Ways To Prevent Depression

10 Ways To Get The Life You Want

8 Secrets of Mountain Climbing and Life

Photo credit: Pink Sherbet

 

Filed under: Writing | 7 Comments » | Print This Post

As a writer you’ve got to get used to rejection. It happens and you learn to deal with it in one way or another.

It’s probably true in every aspect of life. If you want to succeed you’ve got to be able to deal with rejection or failure then carry on with your grand plans anyway.

You wouldn’t be a writer, business person or any type of artist if you couldn’t handle rejection. You’d be a mail person or a check out clerk. No one ever says to them:

• we don’t like your work.
• we don’t want anything to do with you.
• we”re going to get our mail delivery and groceries sorted out by someone else.

If you take risks you will experience rejection and failure

For writers, rejection is a writer’s rite of passage that I’ve discussed before.

Often we get rejected in other areas of our life too. If you’ve ever been rejected in love, for a job or for anything else you’ll know how rejection feels. But you have to learn to accept it and move on.

Here’s How To Bounce Back From Rejection

1. Don’t take it personally

Even it you’re a sensitive, creative type you can’t succeed in life unless you stop taking rejection personally and stop being over-sensitive. My parents warned me not to go into writing saying:

“It’s too competitive, dear.”

They probably thought that with my sensitive personality I wouldn’t be able to cope with the necessary and inevitable rejections.

Writers are by nature sensitive types but we need to toughen up too. Cultivate developing a hide as thick as a rhinoceros. It won’t be easy but it’ll get easier with time and the more rejections you get the easier it will become.

Most of all remember that rejection is probably not a personal thing. Often there are other forces at work that caused you to be rejected that have nothing to do with you.

Maybe the lover who spurned you was just not ready for committment. Or your boss was just feeling the pressure to make staff cutbacks from her boss. The rejection is probably more about them or other external forces than it is about you.

2. Choose carefully who you share with

Some people won’t give you the feedback  you hoped for. Either they won’t care about how you feel once they’ve given their feedback, or they think that being tough is the best way to help you learn.

I’ve found that there are many wonderful mentors around who love to help, teach and encourage other people who are learning their field. These type of people will give you the constructive criticism you need. They’ll provide concrete pointers on how you can improve your writing, job skills, communication problems or whatever has caused you to be rejected. Their input and advice will help you get better.

Unfortunately, not everyone makes a good mentor. You need to pick and choose carefully who to share your precious work with.

3. Think back to your successes

Remember that this one rejection is not indicative of your whole life.

There are plenty of things that you’ve succeeded in. Don’t let yourself get too down. Dwell on your successes and be kind on yourself.

4. Take a moment to lick your wounds

Being rejected does hurt. It’s okay to feel down, wounded, sad, despondent. It’s okay to feel like a failure. It happens to everyone sometimes. Just give yourself  time to come to terms with it. A day, maybe a week, a month at the most. But not longer. You have to move on.

Take comfort from the fine company you keep too. If your writing’s been rejected you probably think you’re the only person in the world that’s experienced it. Or at the very least that only you and a handful of other no-hoper, wannabe writers. But it’s not just bad writers who get rejected. Have a long look at your rejection letter and consider it a badge of pride.

You can now join the ranks of successful writers like Rudyard Kipling, Dr. Seuss, George Orwell and JK Rowling. There’s a short list of illustrious writers who’ve been rejected here which makes interesting reading and all goes to show that a rejection by one person is just that. It’s a personal judgment that may not be shared by other people.

Even paid professionals – editors, writer’s agents and publishers sometimes get it wrong and fail to recognise the next big thing in the writing world. You know that they get it wrong because they do accept writing that fails to resonate with readers and ends up languishing in the bargain bin at book stores.

5. Assess

Usually when you get rejected by someone you get an indication of why. If not do email or phone them asking why. Be polite and calm. Just ask one simple question such as:

“Please can you tell me why you decided not to give me the job this time?”

Listen to the reasons and ask yourself what you can do better next time. If it’s appropriate you might want to ask for a second chance. This year I’ve been rejected by three editors and each time I’ve rewritten the article or written another completely different article for them which was then accepted. Learn from your mistakes and never give up.

Remember too that the person who rejected your work expressed their opinion. You need to decide if they personally don’t relate to your work or if it has flaws which need fixing.

If you want to bounce back from rejection this is the most important step. Work out why you failed then get on and have another go.

Be persistent and believe in yourself

When you get rejected or fail just climb back on that proverbial horse and refuse to dwell on it.

Unless you’re ready to be a mail person or a check out clerk. Of course, writing is so badly paid that many writers will have to take on jobs like those to support our writing habit. But that’s another story.

Do what  you have to do to pay your way in life, but don’t be afraid to take risks because you may be rejected.

You’ve got a right to have a dream. You owe it to yourself to be persistent and resilient and keep pursuing that dream no matter what.

Thanks for reading

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get free updates by email now or with the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already. That way, you won’t miss out. Thanks to Lauren Clemson for the photo.

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I hear that if you Digg it, or bookmark it on Delicious or Stumbleupon, that will get more readers here. Many thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

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Filed under: Stay Motivated | 6 Comments » | Print This Post

As one door opens for me another has shut. Slammed shut with a resounding bang and my toe in it. Ouch.

Well, that’s how it felt to me at first. Let me explain. Just as my blog is taking off and I’m starting to feel more hopeful about achieving my blogging goals, other areas of my writing have been dissed, trashed and trodden underfoot.

For the past couple of months I’ve been paying a literary mentor in the UK to assess my manuscripts. I have two manuscripts: a completed 70,000 word mainstream fiction and an embryonic travel memoir.

Sadly, the manuscript mentoring and assessment was a painful experience during which time I nodded, smiled, tried to look thoughtful and said:

“I know what you mean,” while biting back tears and wondering if a root canal is this painful.

Then, after licking my wounds I’d email the mentor saying things like:

“How lovely to chat with you on Skype this morning. I just wanted to put you in touch with so and so who is also very important in the publishing world and lives close to you in Hampshire. All the best!”

What I was actually thinking was more along these lines.

“I wanted a writer’s mentor, not a writer’s torturer. You wicked, pipe-smoking, hirsute, pot-bellied, bandy-legged troll. I wish I’d never shown you my writing. Isn’t your job to encourage me in my work, not to trash my dreams and make a mockery of two years of my life?

Does it make you feel better to call my writing “flat” an obvious synonym for boring, and help make up for the low self-esteem you’re suffering due to your bean-sized penis?”

Well, you get the idea. I was upset and in need of an outlet for that emotion.

But I’m of English stock. We keep a stiff upper lip. We bottle up our emotions until they explode one day leaving our psyche’s scattered willy nilly around the garden.

So I didn’t mention any of this to anyone. It’s a matter of pride too. For a year I’ve been telling people I’m writing a book.

“Nothing will come of it,” I said. But now, when they ask about it, I’ll have to tell them it sucked.

I am deflated. My balloon has been popped and I lie on the floor discarded, useless. My writing party is well and truly over.

Other people have read my manuscripts. Strangely they’ve been much more flattering and said they’d like to read more. They came up with plenty of constructive criticism and ideas of improvements in a way that left me keen to keep working on it.

But they were my friends. This is a professional. Maybe he’s being cruel to be kind.

I don’t need it though.

Still, all is not lost. Tonight I will be fashioning a doll out of playdough and adorning it with the grey hair that clung to my returned manuscript. I’ve had some prior success in the voodoo doll area. So much so that I vowed never to indulge in it again.

But I think this is a good reason to get back into it. A fine and worthy one. All I have to do now is work out where to put the pin.

Next week I’ll be writing a post called How to Bounce Back From Rejection. Don’t worry folks, I’m not giving up.

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Photo credit: Memorial of Russian physicist, Dr. Andrei Dmitrievich Sakharov by D B King.

 

Filed under: Believe In Yourself | 23 Comments » | Print This Post

Moving to Central America wasn’t a decision that came easily to us. Before finally deciding to go for it, my husband, Rich, and I had endless circular debates, many sleepless nights and lots of heart ache.

But eventually we took the plunge. We sold our home, along with most of our other belongings, uprooted our kids from the beautiful island in New Zealand where they’d been born and raised, and moved to Panama.

Why Panama?

For many years we’d planned to move overseas to Australia and visited several times to check it out. We were looking for warmer weather and, although what we saw of Australia looked great, it didn’t set our world on fire.

Meanwhile, my husband, Rich, was spending a lot of time on the Internet researching other possible places we could  move to. We were attracted to Central America for four main reasons:

1. Strategic – We could get residency in countries like Panama, Costa Rica or Nicaragua.
2. Setting – It’s tropical and safe with great beaches and amazing wildlife.
3. Language and Culture – The main language is spanish and although we didn’t speak it we were keen to learn and wanted our kids to be bilingual and experience a totally new culture.
4. Adventure – We’d never been there before but love to travel.

When it came down to it, the idea of moving to Central America and having a real adventure captured our imagination in a way that the safe move to Australia couldn’t.

But still the dilemma raged on for months

Our heads were saying move to Australia. It was the safe, sensible option. It was near New Zealand with the same language and a similar time zone so we could even maintain our web design and copywriting business and have a continuous income.

But our hearts were keen for adventure, even though we knew it would be tough to settle down and earn money in a developing country where we didn’t yet  have residency or speak the  language.

So how did we make the decision?

Why did we choose to go down the unknown path and take a risk? Were we brave, mad or both?

As Sir Edmund Hilary said about climbing Everest, we did it because we could. We knew that the freedom and opportunity we had then might not come our way again for a while. Our kids were still young (1, 5 and 8 years old) so we weren’t too worried about them missing school and we wanted to travel with them and expose them to new languages and cultures while we could.

We knew that if we don’t do it right then, we knew we might never visit Central America.

Best of all, we knew that if it all went wrong we could still move to Australia at a later date because Australia wasn’t going anywhere.

Of course, in the end that’s what happened. We spent 18 months in Central America and ended up living in Costa Rica, not Panama, for over a year before moving to Australia.

But we’re so glad we went there in the first place. Maybe our business and retirement fund suffered, but the experiences we had were priceless and we’d do it all over again in an instant.

Making hard decisions easy

Have you ever spent time reading and thinking about doing something without ever actually taking the plunge and doing it?

People often tell me they want to do something but they can’t because of this, that or the other reason. Usually they’re quite sensible reasons too, but do you want to lead a sensible life? Or maybe you’d prefer one filled with adventure?

If  you want to avoid leading an average life you’re going to have to make some hard, uncomfortable decisions and be prepared to take a few risks.

Sometimes it does take a long time to make a decision but then a tipping point comes and suddenly you know what you need to do and you find a way to do it.

For me, life is all about having new and exciting experiences, challenging the status quo and challenging myself.

You can learn about something second hand and study it until you’re blue in the face, but you won’t really understand it or appreciate it until you try it.

Reading about Costa Rica, India or Africa isn’t the same as actually visiting those places with all their inherent sights and sounds. Watching documentaries or slide-shows don’t cut it either. In the end you have to do stuff.

You have to live life and not hide away from it because you’re too worried about what might happen if it doesn’t go to plan.

It’s the same scenario with getting healthy. It’s no use buying fancy exercise gear, new trainers and filling the  fridge with seasonal fruit and vegetables. You have to get up early, get the clothes on and go for a walk then come home and make a fruit salad. Repeat for 28 days and you should start to feel a difference.

You can’t just think about doing things, you have to actually do them.

5 Secrets for Avoiding an Average Life

1. Be prepared to make some decisions that scare you.
2. Embrace the fear of the unknown and think of it as an adventure.
3. Think about the worst thing that could happen and have a ‘plan b’ to fall back on.
4. Be pragmatic and grab opportunities while you can in case they don’t come your way again.
5. Be brave… and maybe even a little bit mad.

We may be average people with average families living in average houses on an average income. But that doesn’t mean we have to lead an average life.

Thanks for reading and good luck with all your plans!

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get updates by email now or get the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already, so you don’t miss out.

Photo Credit: Many thanks to Hamed Saber.

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Filed under: Dare To Dream | 20 Comments » | Print This Post

A guest post by Nicholas Cardot.

Alright.  You’ve been there.  You know.  When your friend turns to you and asks for your opinion about something they’ve just built, designed or created.

You look at their creation and you wonder if they actually did it or if they unleashed a five-year-old on their supplies and what you’re looking at is the results.

You ask yourself, ‘Do they want me to be honest or do they want to feel good.’  It’s a tricky question.

I’m in the Army.  When I have something wrong, my Sergeant looks at me and says, “Hey Cardot!  You screwed up.  You’re an idiot.  Go fix that.”

I smile and reply, “Roger Sergeant.”  And I move out and fix the issue.  I don’t get upset.  That’s how we’re trained.  But outside of the Army, people aren’t like that.  You have to approach them differently.

Well let’s say that you decide to be honest.  You think that that whatever they’re doing is absolutely hideous and you’re afraid that others are going to think it also.  You don’t want them to look bad in front of others so you decide to take the plunge and let them know that they are all messed up.

Here’s how to do it

1.  Relate. It’s always comforting to someone who’s messed up to know that someone else did also.  Try sharing your comments with something like, “You know I used to do that exact same thing…”

2.  Reinforce. If you focus on someone’s bad skills you’re going to make them feel pretty worthless.  Be sure to include your praise for what you do like about them or their project.  Don’t be all negative.

3.  Assure. Make sure that your friend understands that you’re trying to help them.  Go out of your way to make it clear that you have their best interests in mind.  If not, you’re only going to end up alienating them from being your friend.  You don’t want that.

4.  Don’t Insist. If your friend suggests that they don’t agree with you, that they don’t want to hear it, or that it’s none of your business…then back off.  Don’t throw your friendship away over something that may not really matter.

In the end remember the old adage, “Unasked for advice is seldom headed and often resented.“  If they don’t ask for your advice then don’t offer it up.  It will probably only offend them.

How do you share the ugly truth with someone?

Gently and with the best intentions.  Make sure you encourage them and assure them that you’re only saying it because they are your friend.

Nicholas Cardot uses his blog Site Sketch 101 to express his passion for helping people learn how to blog with awesome content, brilliant designs and commanding influence.

Thanks for reading! Have You Subscribed Yet? It’s Free…

I’ve got over 400 subscribers now but I’d love more – my dream is to have 1000 visitors a day to Get In The Hot Spot a day. Can you help by joining us? Get free updates by email now or with the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already. That way, you won’t miss out.

Another way to support my writing is to tell people about this website, mention it on Facebook, Twitter, or email a friend the link to a specific article.

Photo Credit: Joseph Gray.

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Filed under: Self Help & Self Development | 9 Comments » | Print This Post

Aussie Icon - The "Laughing" Kookaburra

Newsflash: Welcome Lifehack readers

You may have come here after reading my article, How To Have a Chilled Out Holiday Season, on Lifehack.

I’m excited about joining the Lifehack team of top writers like Leo Babauta, Dustin Wax, Mary Jaksh and Jonathan Fields, and looking forward to connecting with more lovely readers.

If you’ve come here via Lifehack make yourself at home, find out what Get In the Hot Spot is all about, browse the articles and please take the time to subscribe by RSS or email.

My aim is to provide regular doses of information and inspiration to help people live their dream as well as the odd funny piece because I think the desire for fun and happiness is a universal goal.

With that in mind you may want to start with this tongue-in-cheek post about Australian birds. It’s designed to take your mind off the festive season for a few minutes and hopefully raise a smile too.

The Problem With Aussie Birds

Did you know that I write a blog schedule so I stay focused on writing the type of informative articles the blogging gurus recommend?

I have to, because otherwise my mind flits from one subject to another as randomly as a butterfly in a cottage garden.

But the first rule of blogging is pick a topic and stick to it.

I try my best to concentrate on helping you improve your life and live your dream, so today I was going to provide you with a post today called “Avoiding Holiday Madness”.

But if you want to avoid something, one effective way is just to ignore it completely. So in the end, that’s what I decided to do here.

Forget the holiday season, cast aside all your stresses and worries for a moment, and take five minutes to bury your head in the sand here. You might even learn something about Australian birds too, or just have a laugh at my expense.

Oh, and in case you’re not of British, Kiwi or Australian stock, please note that there’s a silly pun intended because to us lot ‘birds’ also means girls, chicks or ladies as well as our feathered friends.

Crime Watch Australia

I fully expect there will be a mugshot of me in the next Neighbourhood Watch Newsletter. And if there is, I will place the blame squarely on your shoulders.

I’ve complained before about the noisy birds here in Australia, specifically the cawing crows which seem to have swooped straight out of a Hitchcock movie, and the kookaburras, the national bird famed for its “laughing” call which I find more reminiscent of a demented cackle.

So raucous and vile is the kookaburra’s call that I wanted to share it with you, dear reader.

I was keen for you to experience what life is like here in Australia where we are regularly woken at 4, 5 or at the latest 6am by the kookaburra’s fearful racket, and in this way share a little of our lives Down Under.

So this morning at 5am, as I lay in bed willing sleep to return to me, hearing a kookaburra “laugh” nearby spurred me to stumble out of bed, pull on some ancient, threadbare clothes, grab my camera and venture out into the neighborhood bleary-eyed and shock-haired.

It wasn’t a completely selfless mission as there are two things I love in life nearly as much as chocolate and travel ~ those sworn enemies cats and birds. So while I hunted the not-so-elusive kookaburra I also captured on camera some of the other local avian and feline life.

I must have looked a fright and my strange behavior attracted some funny looks from a dog-lover who was innocently walking her pesky pooch. But when I told her what I was up to she kindly directed me to a small park at the end of a short road called Bond Court.

I lingered there at length, eyes peeled for kookaburras, killing time by peering over peoples’ fences, taking photos of birds in their trees and fantasizing about buying a house there so when people ask for my address I can honestly answer:

“It’s Bond, 007 Bond Court.”

I like to think that the endless cacophony of Australian birds is retaliation for the fact that we Europeans have covered their once pristine breeding grounds with ugly suburban brick houses, manicured lawns and swimming pools.

But, amidst these suburban boxes, one house stood out. Its garden was an overgrown shambles, its trees held four bird nesting boxes and, by standing on tiptoe and peering over the tall wooden fence, I was surprised, and a bit jealous, to see they even had chickens.

Naturally, the place was a focal point for birding activity and soon a kookaburra arrived, being chased aggressively by three other birds, and snatching me rudely out of my idle reverie.

Sadly, this winged harassment had left the kookaburra in no mood for laughing. He did attempt a sad chuckle at one stage, but the recording I got came out so quietly that if you heard it you’d immediately write me off as a misguided madwoman with a tendency for wild exaggeration.

I hung around looking shifty for as long as possible hoping he would let rip, before being chased back home by suspicious stares flung at me from various neighbors.

Several hours and cups of tea later, I realized that there’s probably a kookaburra call on the Internet already. Sure enough, after searching Google for roughly three seconds I came upon a professional recording, so all my efforts were rather pointless.

You can hear a kookaburra “laughing” here thanks to the keen ornithologists at Birds Australia.

For best effect play at full volume. Preferably while you are in a deep sleep.

More News or How To Lose 40lbs Overnight

I’ve been turned into a stick figure by the lovely, talented and zany Stephen Zhao at Human Explosion. If you’re suffering from middle-aged spread, probably caused by too much time on the computer, this is the best, indeed maybe, the only way to fix it, and since it’s free there’s no silly money-back guarantee either.

Check out Stephen’s impression of me. Not only do I look lithe and youthful but I’m also surrounded by animals like Saint Francis of Assisi. Virtual life doesn’t get much better than this so many thanks to Stephen for interviewing me. Do take a moment to check it out here.

Thanks for reading GetIntheHotSpot.com

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get free updates by email now or with the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already. That way, you won’t miss out!

Please Support Me: Tell People About This Website

If you like this article, please Tweet it or email a friend with the link. My clever computer boffin has added a little tool to make it easier for you to email it to friends, or add it to your favorite social media website. I hear that if you Digg it, or bookmark it on Delicious or Stumbleupon, that will get more readers here. Many thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

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Filed under: Smile | 18 Comments » | Print This Post

But first, the results of the personal coaching giveaway, kindly donated by super personal coach and everyday heroine, Suzanne Blake.

I recorded the draw on video (1 min 39 secs) and would love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment here with your feedback and say if you’d like to see more of me on video, or if you think I should stick to writing.

What’s Your Take On Video Blog Posts?

I’m not trying to be the new Oprah, although I know she is kindly stepping aside for me, but I’ve read that blog readers enjoy videos or podcasts every now and then. Is it true? What would you like to see the odd video blog post at Get In the Hot Spot or not? And if so, how often?

Thanks for watching! And now for the main course:

What Everyone Ought to Know About Their Identity

Get back in touch with the real you

A guest post by Jared Yellin

We have become a nation that is compromising our identity due to the societal pressures and past events that surface in our lives. Whether it’s sacrificing the “who we are” to be in an abusive relationship, feeling inadequate in a career, or tying our individuality to the amount of money that we have in the bank, all of these issues result in our inability to achieve our full potential.

Loss of Authenticity

Who said that it’s okay to base our existence on something that outside of our being? We are the problem because we do not listen to our intuition and that little voice inside which says:

“Stop doing that. Do not conform. Don’t give in. This does not feel right. Life is too short to be miserable. Take action.”

Far too many of us begin to live a life where someone or something controls who we become, and as a result, our authentic self is lost, as we begin to feel emptier than ever before.

If action is not taken, then people will continue to believe that their identity is defined by their abusive marriage, terrible career, money, eating disorder, drugs and alcohol, or even death.

Something obviously needs to be done because many of us are trying to fill a void with behavior that’s detrimental to our well-being. As a result, we’re getting further away from “who we are,” and once we have the courage to actually look in the mirror, we will have no idea who is looking back.

Getting Back In Touch With the Real You

The strategy that has worked for me in the past and has allowed me to learn about who I am and what I stand for in this world is a lesson that I call, “Ask yourself on a First Date.”

We’ve all experienced an awkward first date, where we’re sitting in a restaurant, coffee shop, or the park, and there’s a peculiar tension in the air. Both people attempt to analyze one another and learn as much as possible, in order to see if they would be willing to go on a second date. This could potentially lead to a relationship, engagement, and even marriage.

Take Yourself On a Date

What I would like to see all of you do is to literally ask yourself out on a first date. Find a place where you can answer the following questions, and begin to assess yourself and your IDENTITY.

• Tell me about yourself and your family.
• What do you like to do, and what makes you laugh?
• What do you do for a career and do you like it?
• If you could do anything, what would it be?
• Tell me about your friends and why are they so special?
• What makes you cry and what are you afraid of?
• Do you like being alone and what do you do when you are alone?
• What are you looking for in someone that you hope to share your life with?
• What makes you lose track of time and place?
• What is your purpose?

When you listen to the answers to these questions, would you go out with YOU on another date?

Do you like the person that you are presenting as or are you still struggling with an imposed identity?

You only have one lifetime to chisel out the individual that you want to be, rather than get stuck in a role that keeps you stuck forever. It is important to realize that similar to dating, learning about your identity is not an easy task, and it will take time to get to the point where you can actually look in the mirror and say, “I get you.”

But the journey to this place is worthwhile, because once you find yourself and are complete with the “who you are,” then locating the perfect relationship, job, or attitude about money will be attainable. Uncovering your identity is a process because there is a good chance that you have been a shadow of your true self for many years and conformed to your circumstances.

An anonymous author once said, “Identity is such a crucial affair that one must not rush into it.” It takes time and commitment to discover who you are in the same way that it takes persistence to find your last first date.

We all need to work together and hold ourselves accountable to learning who we are and what we stand for because when it is all said and done, your identity is what makes you…YOU, so choose wisely!

Jared Yellin is a motivational speaker, writer, and the founder of Brandentity, which focuses on combining your BRAND + IDENTITY in order to empower you to realize what makes you…YOU! Jared is on a quest to start an Identity Revolution, which will enable people to begin living the life they create for themselves, as opposed to the life that someone or something creates on their behalf. Please feel free to visit Jared’s website at www.jaredyellin.com and subscribe to receive a plethora of free resources to help you reclaim your most precious asset…YOURSELF!

Thanks for reading

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get free updates by email now or with the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already. That way, you won’t miss out! Thanks to Craig Allyn for the smiley photo and to Jared for letting me to use his personal development article and sharing his ideas with us. I appreciate it.

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Filed under: Believe In Yourself | 20 Comments » | Print This Post

Cracking up? Or ready to crack your secret code?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you wonder:

Who am I?
Where am I?
How did I get here?

I had one the other night.

It was accompanied by a sore head and a pain in the neck which lasted 48 hours. Ouch.

Here’s what happened

I was in a deep, dreamless sleep when my daughter woke me up. It happens from time to time. Usually, I just get up, guide her back to her own bed and either fall asleep there or head back to my bed when she’s asleep.

This time was different.

This time, the next thing I knew, I came to spread-eagled on my bedroom floor with my daughter screaming nearby. My head hurt and I was confused.

Silently I ran through the 3 big questions:

Who am I?
How did I get here?
Where was I going?

As I tried to fill in the gaps and piece together what happened it would have been the ideal time to reinvent myself.

Instead I worked out that I’d stood up too fast and fainted. I remembered who I was and slipped happily back into my old life.

It’s taken me a while to get here, I may not have figured out who I am 100%, but I’ve made a good start. I certainly don’t want to start over again from scratch.

A week later the three big questions were still playing on my mind but then I realised that actually, only the first one matters.

Who am I?

It’s the only question you need to know the answer to. Knowing who you are is the only thing that really matters in life.

Knowing who you are will help you work out what exactly you want to get out of life. What your dreams are and how you’re going to realize them.

How did I get here deals with the past. The progression won’t have been linear. It never is. Life’s full of ups and downs, highs and lows that shape our character and form our experience. But how you got here is history. It’s fun to reminisce, look back and see how far you’ve come but not that relevant to where you are now.

Where am I going deals with the future. Who knows what the future holds? It’s the present that’s important. I’m a huge planner but that’s all we should really do with the future ~ plan for it, but not live in it.

Who are you?

That’s the one question you may want to ponder and answer. That’s the question you should seek to address. Work on that because nothing else is important. If you can find the truth inside yourself and accept it then happiness will follow.

Have you ever had a moment like this? The chance to reassess your life or reinvent yourself?

We’ll be finding out more about identity later this week in a special guest post.

Thanks for reading

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A heartfelt thank you to my Get In the Hot Spot readers

I had a post all scheduled, written and ready to roll but something came up. It’s fun to be spontaneous and when great  opportunities arrive you should run with them.

The popular holiday celebration in the USA called Thanksgiving is taking place right now. As many of you live in the States, you’ll probably be mildly amused to think that some people may not have heard of Thanksgiving.

What is Thanksgiving?

If I’ve got it right, originally Thanksgiving came about as a way of celebrating a bountiful harvest of food.

What’s wonderful is that lately people are using Thanksgiving as a way of giving thanks for just about everything in their lives they’re grateful for.

I wasn’t planning to mention Thanksgiving here but I’ve been touched by the vast numbers of people on the Internet who are writing about things they are grateful for. People are blogging about it, tweeting it and giving thanks on their Facebook pages.

There’s a lot of love and happiness being shared all the way round the world because of Thanksgiving.

Globalization can be a good thing

Usually I think globalisation is a bad thing. Seeing the popularity of McDonalds in developing countries makes me sad. Hearing that a major fast food chain may be opening close to my home makes me shudder.

But US citizens are really onto something with this Thanksgiving thing. If their annual celebration and thankfulness can spread via the Internet and teach other people the joys of practicing the art of gratitude, even just for one day, then the world will surely be a better and happier place.

I’ve already written about the importance of being grateful, explained why we should practice gratitude more often and suggested simple things most of us can be grateful for on a daily basis.

Now it’s time to practice giving thanks again so I’ll get the ball rolling.

Things I’m thankful for

• Having support and feedback from an amazing and diverse group of readers;
• Being able to share what I’ve learnt and what I’m learning with other people who want to live their dream;
• Living in a stunning place and sharing that with my kids;
• Being able-bodied, solvent and inquisitive;
• Believing that the world is my oyster and that people can get what we want if they put their minds to it.

What are you thankful for right now?

Thank you so much for reading

I can’t say it enough. My readers are a huge part of my dream and I’m so glad you visit the site, read what I write and sometimes share your thoughts with us. Thank you all.

Thanks also to Q Thomas Bower for the photo.

Don’t forget to get updates by email now or get the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already, so you don’t miss out.

As always, good luck with all your plans!

Please Tell People About This Website

If you like this article, please Tweet it or tell a friend. My clever computer boffin has added a little tool to make it easier for you to email it to a friend or add it to your favorite social media website. I hear that if you Digg it, or bookmark it on Delicious or Stumbleupon, that will get more readers here. Many thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

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“If you’re lost in the forest, let the horse find the way home.”
Anne Lamott

Have you read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott? My friend Molly recommended it for my reading list of the best books I’ve ever read.

Bird by Bird is sub-titled, “Some Instructions On Writing and Life”,  and it’s a classic you must read if you haven’t already. It’s so good that I’m going to put in on my Christmas wish list because it’s one of those books you want to read more than once and underline your favorite passages.

I rarely buy books because I’m blessed with a brilliant local library so this is a true accolade.

Will Bird by Bird Appeal Only to Writers?

Bird By Bird will do more than just help you improve your writing skills. Anyone who loves to read would enjoy this book for the brilliant writing and intimate stories it tells. It will also appeal to readers who like life development or self help books and memoirs.

The instructions Lamott gives us are definitely as much on life as on writing. She has much to share on dealing with:

• Lack of confidence;
• Jealousy;
• Depression;
• Addiction;
• The death of a loved one;
• Being a parent;
• Self-identity;
• Self-acceptance;
• Self-love;

Lamott dares to share so much personal information about herself in a way that makes me yearn and dares me to do the same.

I came away from reading it feeling that I know a lot about her but there’s still much to learn, and likewise that I understand a lot about myself and life in general, but there remains much to learn there too.

5 Instructions on Writing and Life From Bird by Bird

1. Trust your instincts

This sounds new age and hippyish but it’s true. I think many of the problems facing us in the modern age are caused by people being so out of touch with their instincts. Life’s too full of goals to be reached, new cars, clothes and houses to be brought and deadlines to be met.

Sometimes you just have to chill out, go with the flow and see what happens. Some things can’t be rushed. Some problems get bigger (or seem to) the more you spend worrying at them and trying to solve them.

As the quote by Lamott at the top says:

“If you’re lost in the forest, let the horse find the way home.”

Do you ever feel stressed, lost or indecisive? Don’t worry, sometimes you just need to let the river carry you along. You’ll end up down at the sea in time anyway so there’s no point in fighting against the current.

2. Self-acceptance is the key to happiness

Lamott quotes Ethan Canin:

“Nothing is as important as a likable narrator. Nothing holds a story together better.”

You’re creating and narrating your own life story and you need to like or even love yourself. What makes people likable is not their clear skin, designer clothes, state of the art cell phone. Surprisingly, what makes people likable is their faults. Lamott says:

“perfect means shallow and unreal and fatally uninteresting.”

We connect with other people who have the same flaws as us. We are more aware of our own flaws than anyone else but we need to accept them and embrace them because those faults are what make us interesting. They might be hard to live with at times, but they’re a huge and valuable part of us.

3. Give it all

Don’t be afraid to give everything you’ve got and avoid saving something for later. Don’t worry that if you give all of yourself too soon you’ll run out of ideas, love or hope. You won’t.

The more you give the more you’ll get back. That’s the way of the world. The more you hold back the lonelier and more unfulfilled you’ll become. So give freely of yourself and to others.

4. Live in the now

Lamott quotes from the movie Cool Runnings:

“If you’re not enough before the gold medal, you won’t be enough without it.”

How many people do you know who think they’d be happy if they only had the right career, holiday or wife? The trouble is happiness doesn’t hinge on what you’ve got.

I’ve come to realise that people are either happy or they’re not. Even momentous events like winning an Olympic medal, winning the lottery or your first novel becoming a run away best seller won’t change your happiness level in the long run.

So we need to decide to be happy today, even if we’re unco-ordinated, badly paid and physically imperfect. Nothing can make you happy apart from yourself.

5. Be truthful

Admit who you are. Lamott says writers are needed to say:

“This is who we are.” It’s true for everyone. We spend our lives hiding behind our designer sunglasses trying hard to be cool, funny and popular when we’re not.

“If you are writing the clearest, truest words you can find and doing the best you can to understand and communicate this will shine on paper like its own little lighthouse. Lighthouses don’t go running all over the island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

Let your light shine too. Some people won’t like it. They might even try to get you to change the light bulb or turn your light out all together. But if you can find your own true light and connect with other people who enjoy basking in it then the world will be a better place.

More About Anne Lamott

Anne Lamott writes for Salon. She’s the author of several books including Bird by Bird which you can buy online at Amazon.

Thanks for reading

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get updates by email now or get the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already, so you don’t miss out. As always, good luck with all your plans!

Thanks to Brendan Lally for the photo.

Please Tell People About Get In the Hot Spot

If you like this article, please Tweet it or tell a friend. My clever computer boffin has added a little tool to make it easier for you to email it to a friend or add it to your favorite social media website. I hear that if you Digg it, or bookmark it on Delicious or Stumbleupon, that will get more readers here. Many thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

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>> What Everyone Ought To Know About Coping With Life
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Filed under: Self Help & Self Development, Writing | 16 Comments » | Print This Post