How To Be More Productive

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

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How To Be More Productive

Editor’s note: Guest post by Penelope Trunk, founder of Brazen Careerist.

There is so much productivity advice. I have been reading it for a while now, and honing my to-do list, and my goals, and finding my best time of day to work, etc. All the advice is good. But there are three things I think are essential if you want to put the rest of the advice to work.

1. Show up when you don’t want to.

In a perfect world, each day is great, and you are a productivity genius. In the real world, though, we all have our ideal day, and then we all have a hard time doing what we had planned to do. If you have lofty goals, then you will have some things that are intimidating to do.

On Tuesday night, I did a webinar for about 200 people about how to blog. I hate webinars. I like writing way more than I like being on video. I like that I can change the writing and think about the writing. The video is so immediate. It’s intimidating. But I know the webinars are good for my company, and good for helping me connect with new people. So I dreaded the webinar all day, but I showed up.

A lot of being productive is showing up for the stuff that’s hard. If you have a to-do list full of stuff that you can knock down, boom boom boom, then you’re probably not growing. And really, productivity isn’t about getting things done, it’s about growing in interesting ways.

2. Take risks.

Annabel Candy interrupted the webinar to ask if I would write a guest post. Right after I said that guest posts don’t help with traffic, and that I don’t like having guest posts on my blog because they are so hard to manage.

I liked Annabel’s guts. So I said yes. And she reminds me that the best way to surprise yourself with how much you can accomplish is to take risks.

Ask for long-shot favors. Make unreasonable phone calls. See if something good comes of taking a risk. Regularly.

If you are getting things done, but it’s all predictable, you will be bored, and you will never know how much you can accomplish. If you take risks each day, in some way, you will surprise yourself with how much more productive you are spending ten seconds taking a huge risk than spending ten hours doing something you’ve done a million times before.

3. Follow rules.

Lists should always be three, five, or seven. That’s how the human mind works best at comprehending information. So I am having three things here, because we reach our goals more often if we follow as many rules as we can.

So, hopefully you liked the post because, in part, I followed the rule of three.

And, hopefully Annabel will be happy. Because I broke my own rule about not doing guest posts. It feels good to break some rules and good to follow some rules.

Check in with yourself to know what works for you; the best test of how productive you are is how good you feel about yourself.

About Penelope Trunk

Penelope Trunk is the author of Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success and the founder of 3 startups ~ most recently, Brazen Careerist, an online social network to help young people manage their careers. She writes about careers and life with flair and passion. Penelope’s a columnist at Yahoo Finance and the Boston Globe, and her syndicated column runs in more than 200 publications worldwide. She’s been featured in TIME magazine, the London Guardian, the New York Times and Business Week.

It’s an honor to have her join us at Get In the Hot Spot. If you aren’t already one of the 50,000 people who’ve subscribed to Penelope’s blog check it out.

Editor’s Note

It’s true, I did cheekily ask Penelope Trunk if she’d write a guest post for me but I swear I didn’t interrupt her! I like to force myself to do something scary every day – sending my writing to an important editor, asking someone a favor or going to a dance class where I’m 15 years older than everyone else. I recommend you get out of yor comfort zone daily too.

Thanks so much to Penelope for being a good sport, agreeing to my cheeky suggestion and actually following through by sending me this article.

I love her article and couldn’t agree more: it pays to take risks and you have to break the rules every now and then. Especially your own rules.

Have you taken any risks lately? If not, what are you waiting for?

Thanks for visiting

Thank you for reading Get In the Hot Spot.

If you’re new here make yourself at home and check out some more articles. I hope you’ll like what you see and take a moment to subscribe to Get In the Hot Spot. It’s a brilliant way to stay motivated and inspired plus it’s totally free.

Subscribe now by email or to choose the RSS Feed for updates in your feed reader.

Brazen Careerist and Me

I only joined Brazen Careerist last week but I already like it more than any other networking site and I’ve met some cool people too like Penelope, JR, Ryan, Paul, Mehul, JenG, Jay, Aaron, Neeraj, Heather, Jessica (who did the sketch of Penelope) and many others. I’d love it if you can join me on Brazen Careerist.

Who’s That Girl?

Many thanks to Jessica Schanberg for creating the wonderful portrait of Penelope. Jessica’s a graphic designer, illustrator, writer and blogger based in Chicago, Illinois. She grew up in Manhattan and was inspired by the graffiti and street art that surrounded her. Check out more of her illustrations and writing at her blog, Lemons to Llamas.

5 Tricks For Getting People To Say Yes

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Is persuading people to do what you want them to an art or a science?

The authors of Yes! 50 Secrets from the science of persuasion call it a science but I think it’s an art too ~ there must be plenty of room for creativity.

But is it ethical to try to get people to do what you want them to do?

As long as you have other people’s best interests at heart.

Assuming the vast majority of us aren’t out to rip off, cheat or hoodwink other people, most of us could benefit from honing our powers of persuasion. It might be maniplative but I that doesn’t matter as long as your reasons for wanting someone to say yes to your ideas will benefit both of you.

Who wants to be more persuasive?

Most of us could gain from expanding our powers of persuasion, especially:

Business people
If you run your own business you need to know how to sell your products or services. You actually need to be able to sell yourself to your clients and convince them that you’re the best person to do business with.
Employees
If you’d like to negotiate with your boss for a pay rise, better working conditions, part-time work or working from home, then it’s handy to know the best way to present it to him or her so you get the go ahead.
Job seekers
If you’re writing job appication letters and resumes or want to know how to win over your interviewer face to face.
Parents
Any parent who’s ever wondered how they can get their kids to turn off the tv when asked, get ready for school or write a thank you letter will appreciate how handy persuasive powers could be.
Bloggers
Some of you may fall into more than one of these groups. I seem to fall into most of them.

Here are five useful tips from Yes!: 50 secrets from the science of persuasion. I’ve included examples of how they could be used in specific situations but I think we need to get creative with them. Have a think about it and work out how you can adapt them to make the most of your particular situation.

5 Tricks For Getting People To Say Yes

1. Enlist the mob mentality

People like to do what other people do. We all like to think we follow our own path in life but the herd mentality is powerful. If we see something is popular with the masses we tend to want a piece of the action too.

Ideas for applying this: Business owners – If you already have 650 happy customers telling your leads about your sizeable clientbase could help win their business.

2. Let people know they’re getting a good deal

Let people know how following your suggestion will help them too.

Ideas for applying this: Parents – If you’re struggling to get your kids out of the house in the mornings reward them for getting on with it by offering a reward on Fridays – a tuck shop lunch, computer time at the weekend or a free pass to the movies should do the trick. Is it bribery and corruption? Maybe but if it works and keeps you sane I think it’s a valid way to help your kids get into good habits.

I wouldn’t pay my kids to behave as I’d like them to but don’t have a problem with encouraging them to behave well by withholding things they love it they don’t.

3. Fear is a great motivator

You may feel bad using this one but if it convinces people and what you tell them is true there’s no harm. Most importantly, you have to find a solution to the their fear.

Ideas for applying this: Employees – Let’s say you want to work from home. To begin with come up with something your boss might be scared of if she doesn’t agree, for example, losing your valued employment, losing customers, reduced productivity or higher expenses. Then subtley think of a way to introduce the idea as something that could happen if they don’t trial your working from home one day a week.

After a few months of one day during which you show that you work better from home you can ask for it to be increased to more days a week.

4. Don’t ask for too much

Sometimes the best approach is to ask for something small to begin with then when you’ve built up a trusting relationship you can try asking for more.

Ideas for applying this: Job seekers – Let’s say you’re looking for a mentor. Don’t bombard them or ask for too much. Send a short email with one question or ask them face to face and emphasise that just one minute of their time will help. If you get that then you can try the same tactic the next week. With luck and respect you might be able to build up an ongoing relationship with them.

5. Explain why

This is simple and effective. Use the word because to explain why you want the person to follow your request.

Ideas for applying this: Bloggers – Tell your readers that you’d like them to subscribe to the RSS feed or get email updates because then they won’t miss out on your blog updates and because you’re trying to grow your readership.

You might also want to explain that you’d love it if they stumble or tweet your posts with the tools below because that also helps you get more readers And that you’d enjoy it if they leave a comment because you love getting feedback:)

Seriously! Please share any tips

It’s ironic that I had this post scheduled for today because this morning I had a terrible battle with my five year old daughter. Her normal school shoes were wet so she had to wear another pair she hates. This resulted in about 45 minutes of her crying and tearing off the offending foot wear. Most of in front of a large audience at school and during a torrential downpour.

I tried to persuade her it wasn’t that bad. That is was only for one day. That a lot of the other kids wore those shoes. That at least she had a spare pair or she would have had to go round with soggy feet all day. That no one would notice the shoes if she calmed down. That tomorrow her other shoes would be dry.

Nothing worked.

I guess sometimes you just have to accept defeat and accept that no amount of persuasion will sway some people.

Want more ideas?

If you like these tips and they’ve whetted your appetite you might want to buy the book now on Amazon or borrow it from your local library.

Find out more about or buy Yes! 50 Secrets from the science of persuasion.

Thank You For Reading

A warm welcome to Zen Habits readers who’ve come here after seeing my guest post 5 Ways To Travel More With Less and to all the new subscribers who came here via my guest post on Dumb Little Man, How To Never Get Into Fincancial Difficulties.

And of course a big welcome back to the old faithfuls.

I really appreciate your visit.

>> 10 Things To Be Grateful For and Why You Should Be

>> 101 Ways To Feel Happier

>> The Secret of Eternal Youth

>> 10 Ways To Get The Life You Want

>> 3 keys To Living Our Dreams

Photo credit: Mastro Biggo.

Filed under: Self Improvement and Development | 18 Comments » | Print This Post

Simple Ways to Fix Your Work-Life Balance

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving”
Albert Einstein

I’m not saying that Albert Einstein wasn’t smart but maybe he got it wrong with his thoughts on balance. I’ve been thinking about his quote above and wondering if we really need to keep moving to achieve balance in life or if our constant activity is causing the imbalance in the first place.

Modern life is so hectic and rushed that sometimes we barely have a moment to stop and think. Most of the time we’re simply hurrying from one task to another troubleshooting apparent urgencies like deadlines to be met, kids to be fed or lawns to be mowed. There’s no time to step back and watch the frantic activity we’ve created for ourselves or wonder why we’re really doing it.

So why are we doing it? Sometimes there really is an urgency that has to be met. But often work is done out of habit or a sense of obligation. Occasionally boredom, ego or simply a lack of imagination are behind it.

Take 10 minutes to reassess your work-life balance now for a lifetime of rewards

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
Euripides (484 BC – 406 BC)

There’s no doubting the need for balance in life. Countless articles, websites and books about the work-life balance are testament to the major problem finding a balance creates for most of us. It’s both sad and comforting to learn from Euripides that humans have been struggling with the need for balance for 2,500 years.

But reducing this problem to a search for work-life balance over-simplifies it because there are more than just two things we need to balance out for happiness and success.

Sadly we all know what work is but life’s complicated and work-life balance isn’t a seesaw which can go in one of two directions, I’ve come up with eight separate areas we need to balance, so it’s not just work and life.

The ultimate goal for all of us is happiness but that simple goal often proves elusive because one thing or another is lacking in our life, wether it’s relationships, career or play.

If you’re feeling disatisfied, stressed out, depressed, over-worked, unloved or worn out then there could be one of several things missing in your life. When you have a look through the list below you’ll probably know which areas are being neglected and which areas are bogging you down.

Working out what’s lacking in your life is the key to restoring the balance and getting back your mojo.

8 Elements of Work-Life Balance

Just as a business will run more smoothly when all the departments agree and focused on the same goals, your sense of well-being and performance in all aspects of your life will increase when you strive to balance these eight areas.

1. Friendships – For me this is hard to balance. There have been times in my life when friends have been everything and other times when friendship is neglected because of work or geographical coflict and you end up feeling lonely.

2. Relationships – Includes family and may include some or all of the following – life partner, parents, siblings, kids and extended family.

3. Chores – Includes finances,cooking, cleaning, shopping, gardening and the like.

4. Work – Includes professional development and networking.

5. Physical – Includes exercise, diet, nutrition and sleep.

6. Emotional – You may call if your spiritual side and it’s not easy to pigeon hole. Some people go to traditional place of worship, others meditate, or do yoga. I go surfing or for a walk on the beach.

7. Self – Nurturing your inner child with fun and play. Includes holidays, hobbies, peace and quiet, adventure, creativity, reading.

8. Community – Being part of something greater than you and helping others creates a sense of belonging, usefullness and being selfless actually makes you feel happier too.

How to Retune Your Work-Life Balance

1. Shift your priorities.

Decide what’s lacking in your life, which areas need to be focused on to create more balance and make time for them.

It is nice to believe your employer, business, family or friends would fall apart without you. It’s flattering to consider yourself an indispensible part of the economy and people’s lives. But sadly it’s not true. It’s a chimera, a mirage which has seduced you into wandering off into the desert and probably left you feeling very thirsty too.

Work out what your priorities lie and then make sure they really do come first.

2. Seek winning combinations.

Wherever possible try to find activities that satisfy two or more areas of your needs at the same time. Try to create a balance by working from home or doing a job which you love and which is inline with your values.

For example, going for a walk on the beach satisfies both my emotional and physical needs. If I walk with my husband it takes care of our relationship too. Working from home allows me to be there when my kids come home from school and hang out with them fulltime during the school vacation. Choosing web design and writing for my career satisfies my creative urges, indulges my desire to help other people and brings home the bacon.

3. Balance yourself first.

Be careful not to subjugate your needs to those of other people.

A lot of us are people-pleasers who want to make other people happy. You can only be responsible for your own happiness and you owe it to the people you care about, the family and friends who also care about you to look out for yourself.

4. Be present.

Keep work where it belongs and family in their place.

Allow yourself the time to fully participate in each activity without worrying about what you have to do next or hurrying to move on to the next thing.

Being passionate about something is good but you also need to create a balance and be able to engage fully in other activities.

How balanced is your life?

“I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time.”
Oprah Winfrey

Balance is about not being one-dimensional but allowing you to get in touch with the multi-faceted parts of your personality and unite them in a way that makes you feel happy.

Remember life is more important than work. Life isn’t something you fit in once your jobs have been done. Life is your reason for being, not a perk that comes from working.

Yes, life is about creating balance and today is the time to start balancing your various needs. If you’re not convinced you need to sort out your balance right now try turning Einstein’s quote around like this:

Time’s always moving on so we need to find balance or life will pass us by.

Follow Up

Try putting these eight areas of your life into order of most to least important for you. Is the time you allocate to each one in proportion to that?

Which areas are threatening to throw the others out of balance? And which are being neglected?

Spend a moment thinking about it and leave a comment so we can see if any patterns emerge. Or share your tips for achieving balance.

Thanks for Reading

A warm welcome to all my new subscribers and welcome back to the old faithfuls – it’s great to connect with you. Thanks to Ella’s Dad for use of the photo.

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Warning: Is Lifestyle Design Making You Miserable?

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Lifestyle Design’s Appeal

Ever since I heard about lifestyle design, I’ve been wishing I coined the term. It’s proving ridiculously popular, so much so that good, old-fashioned personal development or self-help seems to have been elbowed aside by its cooler little sister, lifestyle design.

It’s easy to see why.

Lifestyle design sounds far sexier than self improvement, personal development or self help, doesn’t it?

First of all there’s the lifestyle part which seems to indicate that not only do you already have a life, but it’s a stylish life too. Then the term ‘design’ reinforces these hip associations. Together those two words,’lifestyle design’, conjure up an image of a Versace clad entrepreneur supping Crystal champagne while planning their next trip.

Self Improvement Falls Flat

Meanwhile self improvement, self development or personal development lacks the exotic ring of lifestyle design. Here the inference seems to be a personality that’s lacking, somehow in trouble or in need of guidance with daily living.

Today qualified personal growth experts like Dr. Phil with his balding pate, dodgy facial hair, stuffy suit, old-fashioned values and sensible advice, are being usurped by galavanting young risk-takers who jet around the world with hardly a care in the world. Apart from that the ebb and flow of the passive income trickling into their bank accounts of course.

The Pressure of Lifestyle Designing

When I started this blog I’d never heard of lifestyle design and sometimes I’ve wonder if I should have designed my blog to appeal to lifestyle designers rather than for people seeking self development.

As far as I can tell there are three main points to lifestyle design:

Being self-employed and, preferably, living off a passive income.
Living where you please.
Having plenty of freetime to pursue travel and leisure activities a regular job might not leave you time for.

As such, lifestyle design is certainly something I know a lot about and have been engaging in actively and successfully my whole adult life. It’s just that I never labelled it as such.

Over the past 20 years I’ve lived in the UK, France, the US, Thailand, Laos, Zimbabwe and Costa Rica and travelled in many other countries. To date I’ve been self-employed for 14 years. It looks as if I was ahead of my time.

A lot of people think I’m lucky to have traveled so much but they could have done it to. It’s just about setting your priorities, having guts and choosing to do what pleases you. I wouldn’t have it any other way but lifestyle design isn’t for everyone.

Take another look at those three points above. It’s a big ask. Maybe too big.

How Lifestyle Design May Be Making People Miserable

People who aren’t ready to lead this type of lifestyle or just don’t want to may see themselves as failures because of it.

Some people who are striving to achieve this type of lifestyle may be setting themselves up for failure and buying into a concept which for most people is actually unrealistic or even unattainable.

There’s a presssure to fit into the lifestyle design movement and those who don’t fit in might be making themselves miserable by trying to conform to it and feeling that in order to succeed at life and fit in with the cool crowd of lifestyle designers they have to be self-employed and jet around the world non-stop.

The lifestyle Design Revolutionaries

Even though I love the concept of lifestyle design sometimes I wonder if it’s a bit of a flash in the pan. I’m also aware that type of lifestyle isn’t for everyone. Some people crave stability which is understandable.

The funniest thing is that some of the new lifestyle design writers are barely out of diapers yet they style themselves as experts on living well and are eager to tell others how they can do the same thing.

Most of the lifestyle designers whose writing I’ve come across are single, childfree young men, without the responsibilites that come when you have kids and all the expense that entails. How their experiments in lifestyle design will pan out and end up ten or twenty years down the track is anyone’s guess.

Of course, I’m not saying that you can’t travel or live an interesting life when you have kids. You most certainly can and I’ve done so myself, most recently on a jaunt round Central America for 18 months with a 2, 5 and 8 year old.

Before I had kids I was gallavanting round the world with only my backpack and my self to care about. Once the kids came along the travel slowed down as I had to take into consideration four other people including my husband, plan a trip that would also keep them happy and often pack and carry their bags too.

When you travel with kids the logistics of it are harder, the emotional and actual costs far higher than when you were childless. Lifestyle design becomes a real challenge when you’ve got a family.

In fact most aspects of life get harder once you’re a parent. I’d like to see anyone put their mind to writing about lifestyle design while five kids run round their house having a light-sabre battle which is what I’m trying to do right now.

Is Self-employment Essential For a Good Lifestyle?

But my main problem with lifestyle design is that you don’t have to be self-employed to design a life that suits you. You can still be the hip and cool designer of your own lifestyle even if you’re a nurse working shifts, an office worker, a teacher or a bank teller.

Self-employment is good. It works for some of us, like my husband who has taken a vow never to wear a suit, tie or even socks ever again.

But self-employment isn’t for everyone and there are many jobs where you will be employed that are still valid ways of living and earning a living. We need people who are passionate about nursing, policing, teaching and accounting and I hate to think that they feel under-valued in what they do because the world doesn’t value that type of job any more.

Life isn’t all about being a business person, setting up an empire or having a passive income and since that seems to be an integral part of lifestyle design I reckon it applies to some people but not to everyone.

Meanwhile self improvement is something most of us could benefit from with the possible exceptions of people like the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela. Most of us have flaws and while many of those are what make us interesting let’s face it there’s always room for improvement.

Why Self Improvement’s Been Popular Since 2500 B.C.

Self improvement is about so much more than lifestyle design. Self improvement is about:

The Secret of Leading a Happy Life

Some people who are learning about lifestyle design might be making themselves feel unsatisfied with their own lives right now. Reading about how we are supposed to aspire to endless travel, a first class lifestyle with a passsive income might be making some people feel downright miserable because they don’t have that and they never will.

But it’s okay because that type of lifestyle isn’t everyone’s dream life.

The secret of leading a happy life and living your dream isn’t about struggling to design a first class lifestyle, a passive income and leading a rootless existence.

The secret of leading a happy life is self acceptance and being content with what you’ve got now.

What’s Your Take?

Is lifestyle design set to go out of style while self improvement remains a timeless classic?

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Thanks for Reading

A warm welcome to all my new subscribers and welcome back to the old faithfuls – it’s great to connect with you. Many thanks also to Cane Rosso for use of the photo.

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Here’s A Fast Way To Improve Your Relationships

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Love it in the air. Or is it?

Wether you think Valentine’s Day’s a load of commerical clap trap, designed purely to get you to spend your hard earned money on love tokens, or a romatic way to tell your loved ones you care, it does serve as a useful reminder to think about love.

The annual love fest on February 14th is eagerly anticipated by many young lovers, while other people hate it, and some of us barely give it a passing thought.

My husband falls into the latter category and I’m not much better ~ I usually scrawl him a quick love poem at the last minute and present it on a dog-eared bit of paper torn from one of the kid’s exercise books. Sadly, this routine leaves us both unimpressed but read on to discover how to bridge the gulf between loving someone and actually making them feel loved.

It’s quick, easy and surprisingly effective because improving your personal relationships can be as simple as finding out the best way to make someone feel loved. Best of all, with a little creativity and forward thinking, you can use these ideas to improve your relationships with friends, colleagues, kids and family, not just with your partner in romance.

Often expressing your love is hard

In the States, I know that some parents send Valentine’s Day cards to their kids and vice versa where as in the UK, New Zealand and Australia the concept is confined purely to romantic love. I spent a lot of time with North Americans in Costa Rica and noticed that on Valentine’s Day some of them even posted messages of love to their platonic friends on Facebook. One good friend held a Valentine’s Day family party where all the kids made crafty stuff with hearts.

I embrace this free flow of love but sadly it doesn’t come as easily for most Brits. (Please remember that although I live in Australia and have a New Zealand passport, I was born and raised in the UK.)

My lovely north American girl friends in Costa Rica often told me they loved me or my family enthusing:

“We love you guys!”

This was awkward for my husband and me at first. Being British, we don’t even tell our closest family that we love them, let alone friends. Still, I soon got into the flow of it and became quite adept at telling people I love them, even if they weren’t related by blood or marriage. Telling someone you love them and hearing that someone loves you is pretty special and it’s not something we can hear too often, but there are other great ways to show people you care.

What’s the best way to make someone feel loved?

There’s no simple answer to that but by the end of this article you’ll have a few guidelines.

Have you heard of the five languages of love?

They were noted by Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages, published in 1992 and on the New York Times bestseller list for over two years, you can buy it on Amazon.

But if you don’t have time to read it or can’t get hold of it immediately, here’s a cheat sheet. I read The Five Love Languages of Children by Chapman and Ross Campbell years ago and it made a lasting impression. I think the basic principles and the love languages are the same for adults and children.

How understanding the love languages can improve your personal relationships

You’ll be able to show people you care about them in the way that means the most for them.
You won’t waste time trying to tell them you love them in a way that leaves them cold.

It makes sense to me that some of us have different ways of showing their love. Some husbands buy gifts for their wives. Some kids pick flowers for their mums. Some adult children take their dad to see the big game. Some friends give each other a massage. They’re all valid ways to show you care but there is one problem.

If you don’t actually say “I love you,” then will the loved one know you care?

The book explains that everyone has different ways of knowing that they’re loved. Obviously we all need to feel loved, but if everyone experiences that in different ways how can we know what the best way to show them we love them is?

The Five Languages of Love

The answer is to know and understand the five languages of love and tailor how you show love to suit different people.

For example, my oldest child’s love language is gifts. So I can tell him I love him and hug him daily. I can hang out with him at the skate park and help him with his homework but he won’t really feel loved until I give him a gift.

The five languages of love are:

Words – Actually telling someone you love them.
Touch – For example, a hug, kiss or a foot rub.
Gifts – Giving them something they desire.
Time – Spending quality time with someone
Favors – Performing an act of service them.

How do you work out what someone’s love language is?

There are two main choices:

1. Just ask them.

2. Watch how they show other people they love them as that proably holds clues to their love language.

What’s Your Love Language?

In case you’re wondering, my love language is favors. When someone does an act of service for me I know they really care about me and I’ll definitely return the favor. So if you want to let me know you love me this Valentine’s Day, the best way to do it is Stumble, Tweet or Digg this post using the buttons below:)

As for my husband, hopefully he’ll make me lunch. And I’ll be giving him a big hug.

What’s your love language and what’s the best way for someone to show they care about you?

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Thanks for Reading

A warm welcome to all my new subscribers and welcome back to the old faithfuls – it’s great to connect with you. Many thanks also to Le vent le cri for use of the photo.

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Dreaming of Less Work? Read The 4-Hour Workweek

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Recommended: The 4-Hour Work Week

Does The 4-Hour Workweek seem like a gimmicky name and an impossible goal for life?

I thought so too until I read the book.

To make things worse it’s subtitled, Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich

If you’re thinking, yeah, right, please bear with me. I was equally sceptical until I actually laid my hot little paws on this excellent tome.

Yes, despite the hype, I confess to being hugely impressed by this book. In fact, I totally recommend it as essential reading for people who’re dreaming of a better life.

Not only will The 4-Hour Workweek inspire you to aim high but it’s full of practical tips on how to get there.

So if you’d like to work for yourself, earn a decent income or even create a passive income so you have time to enjoy your new found wealth, then you should definitely read this book.

The Author

Author, Tim Ferriss, is something of a hero in the business, publishing and blogging circles.

He launched his book and blog at the same time and they both shot to success, with the book sitting on the New York Times bestseller list for two years and being translated into over 35 languages, while the blog quickly established him as an a-list blogger.

I know I’m a bit late coming to the party on this one – The 4-Hour Workweek was published in 2007 – but it’s a classic book for both business and personal development so if you haven’t already read it, there’s no time like the present.

The Blurb

On the back of the book there’s a stern warning:

Do not read this book unless you want to give up your job

The blurb continues:

Forget the old concept of retirement and saving for the future – there is no need to wait and every reason not to. Whether your dream is escaping the rat race, experiencing first-class world travel, earning a monthly five-figure income with no management, or just living more and working less, this book is the blueprint.

Yes, it’s a bit hard sell but there are definitely concepts here that will prove useful to anyone.

Best Bits

Here’s an overview of some of the information that I found most enlightening.

1. The timing is never right

When it comes to change there will always be resistance, but knowing that the timing’s never right should give you courage to do it anyway.

2. Some stress is good

Ferriss introduces the concept of eustress, describing it as:

“Stress that is healthful and the stimulus of growth.”

It certainly sounds more appealing than the daily stress of a working in a job you don’t like, with people who don’t appreciate you and for hours which don’t let you have a life outside of work. That’s the kind of stress that gradually wears you down, saps your creativity, kills your joie de vivre and makes you an unhappy, unhealthy human being. That’s the type of stress none of us need.

But embracing the good stress can help us go places though.

3. Risks aren’t as scary when you take them

If you’ve ever taken a risk you’ll know the truth of this. Thinking about jumping out of a plane on your first parachute jump may be terrifying, but actually doing it is more likely to be exhilarating, life-affirming and a major confidence boost. The same goes for most fears, be it public speaking, quitting your job or moving overseas. I’ve written about Giving Fear the Finger myself if you want fear fighting incentives and tips.

Ferriss notes that people choose unhappiness over uncertainly, a statement that should give most people a kick up the arse and convince them that a life of unhappiness is not a life at all. To sum up courage to take a risk he recommends asking:

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

There, it’s not that bad is it?

4. Control the Internet, don’t let it eat up your life

No web surfing unless you need information that very day.

Yes, need! Needing information is different from web surfing to fill the time or for fun. Who surfs the Internet for fun anyway? Not me. When I want fun I hit the Pacific Ocean with my surf board, hop on my bike or meet friends.

The Internet should mainly be a tool for you to get the information you need. It’s brilliant for that, but limit it to information gathering. Nothing more and nothing less.

That’s why I keep my blog writing:

Relevant to your goals
Fast to read
Actionable
Uplifting and inspirational

5. Make decisions easily

Never sit on the fence about decisions by saying things like:

“I don’t mind.” or “Whatever you want.”

Use expressions like “I propose” or “I suggest” to do what you want to do when you want to do it and eliminate living in limbo.

6. Outsource your life

Ferriss recommends using personal or business services in India, or elsewhere, to do menial, irritating or time-consuming jobs for a reasonable cost, so you can free up your time for the important stuff.

Check out Ask Sunday if you’d like to have your life simplified. They’re even offering a free personal assistant for one week. I’m going to take advantage of it soon, so I’ll let you know how I get on.

Otherwise look for a personal assistant on Elance or run with Indian help such as B2kcorp for business, or Your Man in India, for personal and business services.

Dream Big, Start Small

I do recommend you read this book to keep your dream alive and help you get there. You can buy it on Amazon now for yourself, or as a gift for a friend who’s stuck in a rut.

If you think the 4-hour workweek’s not possible think again.

Ferriss’s model may be an ambitious one, but wannabe business owners know that their dream is not impossible.

I may not be working a 4 hour week quite yet, but I’m working from home, at the hours that suit me and in my nightgown, which is a pretty good start. Thanks to Ferriss, I now have more tools and tips at my disposal to keep me striving for more. Or maybe that should be less…

I might get dressed soon and go for a walk on the beach. It’s all part of the creative process.

What are you doing to stay on track with your dreams?

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A warm welcome to all my new subscribers and welcome back to the old faithfuls – it’s great to connect with you. Many thanks also to Jeroen Bennick for use of the photo.

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Filed under: Set Goals | 17 Comments » | Print This Post

The Real Secret To Success in 4 Words

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Are you ready to take the plunge?

Get off your arse.

That’s it. Probably not what you wanted to read but it’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

You may spell it ass, you may call it your butt, bum, backside, bottom or booty, but whatever you call it, if you want to succeed you’ve got to get off it.

The secret to success in life is as simple as that, whether your main focus is career, love, family, finances or the simple pursuit of happiness.

Just get off your arse. Put in an effort and you’ll reap the rewards.

The lies people sell

There are a few books that claim to hold secret information on how to get what you want out of life. The ’secret’ idea seems to be that if you think about something it will come true.

It’s easy to see the appeal of this new age philosophy called ‘the law of attraction’, and clear why books about such ’secrets’ are bestsellers. After all, wouldn’t it be great if we could just mediate daily, repeat our positive mantras and lo and behold they could come to pass?

Sadly, it’s not the case and the whole premise is flawed.

Two flaws in the law of attraction

1. Books about the power of attraction are a con. There’s no way that if someone sits around saying:

“I’m rich and successful,” that they’ll become rich and successful.

2. If you want to be rich and successful you’ve got to work at it. You’ll need to set up a business, work hard, make mistakes, persevere, save hard and spend your money wisely to begin with.

But on the other hand…

Even though I spurn the law of attraction I agree that negative thinking will harm you. If we allow ourselves to believe the little voices in our heads that say:

“You’re plain and boring. You’ll never amount to anything.”

Then we won’t get anywhere in life.

So there is something to be said for harnessing positive thinking to reprogram our brains and our way of thinking.

For example, if you want to give up smoking or you want to get fit I do think it helps to adopt a positive mantra such as, “I value my health and enjoy living a fit and healthy, ” and read, repeat or think about it often.

It pays to be positive

I think optimists get more out of life because if you were a pessimist well, why would you even bother…

So positive thinking can drown out those pesky negative voices but hard work, passion and perseverance are irreplaceable.

What are you waiting for?

Most people just accept their lot in life. They take what they’re given and put up with it, working for years in a job they don’t particularly like and self-medicating themselves for their boredom and despondency with things like television, food, alcohol or even more work.

So often in the past when I told friends and family I was off to Africa, South East Asia, Australasia, Central America or wherever it was that year, people would sigh and say:

“You’re so lucky, I’d do that too it only I weren’t so…”

The excuses are varied. Some people say they’re too old, others claim they’re too young. Some people are too poor and some too career and money driven. But really they’re all just the same thing. Excuses.

Not that old excuse again

No more excuses, please. To get what you want in life you need:

Passion
Desire
Dreams
Achievable goals
Optimism
Energy
Inspiration
Perseverance
Bravado
Faith

Have faith

You can do all the things you want to do.

You choose your life, you’re in control of it, you decide if you want to sail around the world, start your own business, spend more time with your kids or laugh more. Whatever it is you can do it.

You just need to decide what you want, get started with it and keep going.

Get out of your comfort zone

Here are a few truths some people try to hide about being successful and happy. There are no secrets. Go into it with your eyes open knowing that:

1. It will be an effort.

2. It will challenge your status quo.

3. It will be risky.

But even when you know and accept all that you’ve got to stop listening to negative voices – either your own inner beliefs or real comments from other people – saying you can’t do it or you shouldn’t do it because of one reason or another.

Then stop settling for life as it is and start getting angry with yourself for time you’ve wasted so far. Promise yourself it won’t happen again.

Success starts when you get in the hot spot

Just get off your arse and get going.

I am.

If you think I’m not, or catch me slacking, feel free to give me a kick up the arse. We all need someone to do that for us from time to time. And if my writing helps you get inspired, motivated and going then I’m ready to put the boot in on your behalf any time.

What can I do to help you? What would you like to read more about? Just leave a comment or question below. I promise to reply to all of you.

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Thanks for Reading

A warm welcome to all my new subscribers and welcome back to the old faithfuls – it’s great to connect with you. Many thanks also to Jeroen Bennick for use of the photo.

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Please Hold, You’ll Be Connected Shortly

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Surprise! A visit from my old friend, Fiona.

Don’t you hate those phone messages you get with the plinky plinky music that say you’re on hold but your call is very important and you’ll be connected shortly?

Shortly! What does that mean? Is it even a word?

Sometimes the wait is 10 seconds which is fine. Other times it’s 10 minutes which is not fine and can be infuriating.

Either way sometimes not knowing how long the wait will be is the hardest part.

If you’re expecting something, or want something to happen, human nature wants to know when you can expect it.

But sometimes something you want to happen occurs when you least expect it.

That’s what happened to me last week.

Surprise Visit

My best friend, Fiona, from England came to Australia and paid me a surprise visit.

We’ve known each other for 23 years, since we were 19, but haven’t seen each other for about 4 years, then suddenly, out of the blue, she was here with me. It was so exciting, unexpected and delightful that I simply didn’t manage to write my post in time.

When life surprises you in the most delightful way like that you need to be flexible and go with the flow.

Sorry Sorry Sorry

So this is my round about way of saying sorry I missed a blog post last week.

Most of you know that I live in Australia with my husband and three kids but I think I forgot to mention that the wee ones are currently on school vacation for six weeks.

Yes, school ended well before Christmas and doesn’t start again until the end of January here. Hence I’m busier than usual and, combined with visits from overseas relatives, I’m struggling to keep up with this blog.

New Blog Schedule

So I’ll be reducing my posts to once a week for the mean time. Tuesdays will be the big day.

Blog Developments

Some things about this blog are clear:

I love writing it, sharing ideas with my readers and hearing your thoughts.
I’m committed to writing it and looking forward to achieving my goal of 1000 subscribers soon.
I’m committed to helping my readers and providing weekly inspiration and advice to keep them fired up and striving for a life less ordinary.

But there are a few problems with my blog. In order to keep it going I need to make money out of it.

Will I earn money from this blog this year?

Most of us need money to live on and I’m no different. I need to be compensated for my time, ideas and writing on this blog. I’d do it for the love of it if money was growing on the trees in our garden, but it’s not and my husband feels strongly that I should be making money from blogging or not do it.

But I feel so guilty even thinking about making money from it, let alone telling you this.

In blog speak they call it “monetizing” your blog. It sounds so mercenary and horrid but it needs to be done if Get In the Hot Spot is to survive and my dream of earning a good living from my writing it to succeed.

And if so how?

The trouble is that I’m not sure how I’ll be able to make money from my blog.

The best option seems to be from selling products.

So I need to put on my thinking cap and come up with something that you will want to buy and that will be useful to you. I think it should be inspiring and entertaining too.

The dilemma is that I’m basically not a materialistic person. And I don’t think you are either. Selling people things they don’t need or want is not something I will do but if I can sell you something that you want then we can be mutually satisfied.

Possibilities for things you might like to buy from me are:

Books (or ebooks I suppose)
Handy inspirational memos
Posters
T-shirts

Other options are to sell my services:

Or I could request donations.

Maybe a combination of these things will be needed but I want to keep the blog simple, useful, valuable and, above all, maintain my integrity.

I have a lot to think about. I’d love to know what you think about my dilemma.

So thanks for holding and for bearing with me. I promise we’ll get connected again next week.

I’m looking forward to it.

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What To Do With Your Life If You Don’t Know What To Do

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

There’s a lot of pressure in life.

Too much really. Just working and earning enough money to support yourself and your family is hard, but now we keep hearing that we also need to:

Find our true purpose.
Follow our passion.
Meet the one true love of our life.
Live happily ever after.

So much pressure and such high stakes. It’s almost enough to make you give up because it all seems like such a hard mission.

Are we being sold an impossible dream?

One highly popular self development expert believes that you can discover your life purpose in 20 minutes by asking yourself,

“What’s my true purpose in life?”

Then writing down every answer that pops into your head until one of them makes you cry.

This strikes me as utter twaddle but I can see the appeal ~ first that we can discover what our life’s purpose in just 20 minutes and second that we have a purpose in life at all.

Is there a purpose to life?

If we stick to the facts of life our one true purpose is to procreate – to breed and have children so that our race is perpetuated.

In fact, this is just what people used to do.

At one stage life was about survival, and if you lived long enough to have children and see them grow old enough to create your grandchildren, then you were lucky.

These days we want more out of life. Now we want to:

Live well into old age;
Look young and beautiful until we drop;
Travel the world;
Be financially wealthy;
Accumulate material possessions.

Although most of us still want children some people have rebelled and opted for a canine or feline offspring instead.

Oh, and we also want to know what our purpose in life is and follow our passion.

It’s not enough to be steadily employed in a job which pays the bills and allows you to save up for a decent retirement. Now we have to have life totally sorted out too.

Proof the stakes are too high

Unfortunately, while some tiny percentage of people are able to pursue their passions and earn a small fortune from them not everyone can.

Many people are happy to take a mundane job and pursue their passions in their spare time. And what’s wrong with that anyway? Not everyone can be extraordinary, not everyone can be famous for doing what they love, not everyone can get rich from it.

Take the ladies who run the tuck shop at my kid’s school as an example.

They work hard, they love what they do, and they’re good at it too, with profits rising every year which benefits the school and improves the kid’s education.

But the tuck shop ladies are never going to receive the global acclaim and wealth of celebrity chefs like Gordon Ramsay, even though they probably make better role models for our children.

Don’t believe some of the things you hear

I think the quest to find your passion, then follow it and hook up with your one true love are myths which are making a lot of people unhappy.

In order to find happiness – which I believe to be the true purpose of life – you’ll have to make a few changes to your thinking and accept that some of the things we’ve been led to believe might actually be making you unhappy.

It’s liberating to consider that:

You probably don’t have one true life purpose or passion
You may have several goals, dreams and desires but these will change and evolve over time. Your childhood dreams may still coincide with what you want in your adult life – a few kids must have dreamed of becoming a train driver or ballerina and got there in the end. But generally, once you’re living that dream the initial thrill wears off and you still have to find something else to motivate you to get out of bed and get to the train station on time for the first run of the day.
You probably don’t have one true love
There are certainly many people who could make a good partner for you in life. They’re everywhere and they may not be a romantic connection either. Maybe a group of friends with similar values and goals is enough and if you have that you have every reason to be happy.
There’s no such thing as happily ever after
Life isn’t a fairy tale. There’s no such thing as fairy godmothers and handsome princes to whisk you away. Life will have good bits but there will be bad bits too – loved ones dying, relationships breaking down, jobs being lost, financial and health problems. Working out how to protect yourself from these bad times when they inevitably come is the key.

So What Should You Do With Your Life If You Don’t Know What To Do?

If you feel like it you could do some of the exercises I suggest in How to work out what your dream is.

Otherwise don’t push it at the moment, give yourself permission to enjoy what you’re doing right now. Forget about your unique purpose, life passion, one true love and living happily ever after.

Just live the way you are right now and try your best to be happy. No pressure.

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New Year, New You… Or Not?

By Annabel Candy | Print This Post

Change won't happen by magic

How are you getting on with your new year’s resolution?

Apparently a lot of people make a new year resolution but most of them give up on the 2nd or 3rd of January. It’s sad thinking about all those people who want to make changes in their life, or say they want to, but don’t suceed.

I hope you haven’t already experienced this disappointment yourself in 2010, but most of all I hope that, if you have, you’re not beating yourself up about it. All the research seems to indicate that, when it comes to new year’s resolutions, this type of failure is perfectly normal so it’s certainly nothing be ashamed of.

Unfortunately, even the very concept of making a new year’s resolution seems to be an exercise in setting yourself up for failure.

3 thoughts about making change

At the end of 2009 I wrote an article for Lifehack called 7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It. If you haven’t read it yet and you’re interested in changing your habits or making new habits then do check it out.

The main points I want to get across about new year’s resolutions are:

1. The new year is probably not the best time to start new habits or change old ones.

2. If you do make a new year’s resolution you probably won’t be able to stick to it.

3. Just because you slip up doesn’t mean you have to give up entirely ~ the key to succeeding at making change is to persevere and keep trying. For proof of this read about the concept of ‘grit’ in 10 Ways To Get the Life You Want.

Change doesn’t happen overnight

There’s no way you can go to bed one night, be it December 31st or not, and wake up to a new you the next day.

Making changes in your life takes repeated effort over a sustained period of time.

When it comes down to it the three key questions you should ask yourself before making changes to your habits are:

1. Do you really want to change?

2. Do you believe the changes you want to make are possible and realistic?

3. Are you ready to put in the necessary work to make the changes happen and make them last?

Change won’t happen by magic

If you answered yes to those three questions then keep on striving to make the changes you want.

Do you remember that old trick where a magician pulls a rabbit out of his hat? Take a moment to consider how much practice the magician put into it before he or she managed to pull off the trick successfully.

If you want to change your habits or even change your life that will take practice too.

Brace yourself for blips along the way and expect that your decision to make life changes will be the beginning of a journey where you make two steps forward and one step back.

The important thing is to take the first step and keep going no matter what.

Oh, and if you’re one of the people who made a new year’s resolution and have been keeping it well done. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep up the good work!

Did you make a new year’s resolution? Are you still on track with it?

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