What Everyone Ought to Know About Their Identity

But first, the results of the personal coaching giveaway, kindly donated by super personal coach and everyday heroine, Suzanne Blake.

I recorded the draw on video (1 min 39 secs) and would love to hear what you think. Please leave a comment here with your feedback and say if you’d like to see more of me on video, or if you think I should stick to writing.

What’s Your Take On Video Blog Posts?

I’m not trying to be the new Oprah, although I know she is kindly stepping aside for me, but I’ve read that blog readers enjoy videos or podcasts every now and then. Is it true? What would you like to see the odd video blog post at Get In the Hot Spot or not? And if so, how often?

Thanks for watching! And now for the main course:

What Everyone Ought to Know About Their Identity

Get back in touch with the real you

Get back in touch with the real you

A guest post by Jared Yellin

We have become a nation that is compromising our identity due to the societal pressures and past events that surface in our lives. Whether it’s sacrificing the “who we are” to be in an abusive relationship, feeling inadequate in a career, or tying our individuality to the amount of money that we have in the bank, all of these issues result in our inability to achieve our full potential.

Loss of Authenticity

Who said that it’s okay to base our existence on something that outside of our being? We are the problem because we do not listen to our intuition and that little voice inside which says:

“Stop doing that. Do not conform. Don’t give in. This does not feel right. Life is too short to be miserable. Take action.”

Far too many of us begin to live a life where someone or something controls who we become, and as a result, our authentic self is lost, as we begin to feel emptier than ever before.

If action is not taken, then people will continue to believe that their identity is defined by their abusive marriage, terrible career, money, eating disorder, drugs and alcohol, or even death.

Something obviously needs to be done because many of us are trying to fill a void with behavior that’s detrimental to our well-being. As a result, we’re getting further away from “who we are,” and once we have the courage to actually look in the mirror, we will have no idea who is looking back.

Getting Back In Touch With the Real You

The strategy that has worked for me in the past and has allowed me to learn about who I am and what I stand for in this world is a lesson that I call, “Ask yourself on a First Date.”

We’ve all experienced an awkward first date, where we’re sitting in a restaurant, coffee shop, or the park, and there’s a peculiar tension in the air. Both people attempt to analyze one another and learn as much as possible, in order to see if they would be willing to go on a second date. This could potentially lead to a relationship, engagement, and even marriage.

Take Yourself On a Date

What I would like to see all of you do is to literally ask yourself out on a first date. Find a place where you can answer the following questions, and begin to assess yourself and your IDENTITY.

  • Tell me about yourself and your family.
  • What do you like to do, and what makes you laugh?
  • What do you do for a career and do you like it?
  • If you could do anything, what would it be?
  • Tell me about your friends and why are they so special?
  • What makes you cry and what are you afraid of?
  • Do you like being alone and what do you do when you are alone?
  • What are you looking for in someone that you hope to share your life with?
  • What makes you lose track of time and place?
  • What is your purpose?

When you listen to the answers to these questions, would you go out with YOU on another date?

Do you like the person that you are presenting as or are you still struggling with an imposed identity?

You only have one lifetime to chisel out the individual that you want to be, rather than get stuck in a role that keeps you stuck forever. It is important to realize that similar to dating, learning about your identity is not an easy task, and it will take time to get to the point where you can actually look in the mirror and say, “I get you.”

But the journey to this place is worthwhile, because once you find yourself and are complete with the “who you are,” then locating the perfect relationship, job, or attitude about money will be attainable. Uncovering your identity is a process because there is a good chance that you have been a shadow of your true self for many years and conformed to your circumstances.

An anonymous author once said, “Identity is such a crucial affair that one must not rush into it.” It takes time and commitment to discover who you are in the same way that it takes persistence to find your last first date.

We all need to work together and hold ourselves accountable to learning who we are and what we stand for because when it is all said and done, your identity is what makes you…YOU, so choose wisely!

Jared Yellin is a motivational speaker, writer, and the founder of Brandentity, which focuses on combining your BRAND + IDENTITY in order to empower you to realize what makes you…YOU! Jared is on a quest to start an Identity Revolution, which will enable people to begin living the life they create for themselves, as opposed to the life that someone or something creates on their behalf. Please feel free to visit Jared’s website at www.jaredyellin.com and subscribe to receive a plethora of free resources to help you reclaim your most precious asset…YOURSELF!

Thanks for reading

Please add your comments below and don’t forget to get free updates by email now or with the RSS Feed, if you haven’t already. That way, you won’t miss out! Thanks to Craig Allyn for the smiley photo and to Jared for letting me to use his personal development article and sharing his ideas with us. I appreciate it.

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More Personal Development Articles

>> A Surfer’s Guide to Living Life to the Full

>> 10 Things To Be Grateful For and Why You Should Be

>> 3 Keys To Living Our Dream

>> 10 Ways To Get The Life You Want

>> 101 Ways To Feel Happy

Author: Annabel Candy

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Anne December 4, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Excellent post! The only disagreement I have is that I wouldn’t look at it as a “first date” because we all know that on the first date (and probably next few dates) we are all trying to just show our “best self” not necessarily our “true self.”

Without giving TMI I will say that I have been a person who allowed someone else to define who I was for basically my entire adult life! Once I decided I wanted to figure out who I was, this person didn’t like it too much I can tell you. But I am determined.

As far as the video, I think it takes such courage to do that! Touche! I think it does add a good variety and probably this is one of those cases where “practice makes perfect” – or at least the more you do it the better you’ll get at it.

Anne @alivenkickin

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Loretta Brown December 4, 2009 at 4:29 pm

Hi Annabel, Brilliant! Your courage is inspiring and yeah, it is soooo scary to show up for ourselves. I think video is much harder than writing. Putting ourselves out there! Keep going with a few video’s – they are fun. You have a delicious sense of humour that comes through the video that is nice to share with everyone.

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teresa December 4, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Hoorah! Hoorah! I am so happy…I normally couldn’t win a lucky dip so I am over the moon and jumping for joy (yes I actually jumped!) This is exactly what I need… I have a plan and it’s all coming together. Thank you Thank you Thank you Mwoah Mwoah xxx

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Connie December 4, 2009 at 11:53 pm

Wow – not sure what I love more, your video or your guest post. Seeing you on video made me like you even more :-)

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teresa December 5, 2009 at 1:10 am

I have now watched the vid 3 times… I feel famous! Annabel I think you should do more of that…it was great! I also loved your fragility in it. I think many people will be able to relate to you even more now!
I always feel like your blogs have been written just for me…They answer questions that have been reeling around in my head and also bring humour and purpose. I think you were born to do this! One last thing, I feel that your blog has ‘found it’s feet’…. It seems to have a stronger purpose and foundation. Don’t get me wrong I have always loved your blogs and often recommend others to look at it but recently there has been a very professional but grounded approach to helping people find their true purpose and just go for it! Goddamit, you’re good!

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teresa December 5, 2009 at 1:21 am

Thank you Jared…You and Annabel make a great team!

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Eric | Eden Journal December 5, 2009 at 1:31 am

Hi Annabel. I love videos in moderation. They are often tough to watch at work, and the last place I worked blocked them altogether. Many times I have to wait until I get home, and then I completely forget about it. I do really like to see and hear my favorite writers though, it helps me feel a connection with the person behind the words.

Jared, I like your ideas of getting back in touch with the real you. I wrote a list recently where I listed 100 things about me. A list of that lenght made me really spend some time thinking about myself. It answered many of the questions you posed in your first date scenario.

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Marcus December 5, 2009 at 1:49 am

Hi Annabel, stiff but like your video simply because it is natural. It takes courage I bet. Whatever I’m glad I bumped into your blog and intend to visit more. You’ve got good stuff here and I certainly will let others know about you. Thanks!

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Ideas With A Kick December 5, 2009 at 3:34 am

Hey Annabel,

I did the taking myself on a date thing a while back, after a buddy advised me to try it. It was one of the best dates I ever had. I find that getting to know yourself is a great way to become more centered.

Eduard

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Jared Yellin-Brandentity December 5, 2009 at 9:11 am

@Anne…I am happy that you enjoyed the message and I appreciate your feedback. I understand that most people try to be “their best self” on a first date as opposed to “their authentic self,” but what I have found is that those people do not have relationships which last. If you are trying to impress the person while “wearing a mask,” this is called a facade. The reason I chose the concept of a first date is because I believe this is the opporutntiy for you to learn about who you truly are as a person, YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF, not necessarily your BEST SELF. Relationships are an intricate component to all of our lives, but become even more difficult when we compromise our identity for the purposes of impressing the other person. Therefore, BE TRUE TO YOU and go on a first date with yourself because the results could be magical!

@Connie…I am so happy that you enjoyed! Now take ACTION and date yourself… :)

@Teresa…I love your energy and the enthusiasm. Thank you for allowing this message to resonate with you and I so appreciate your charisma about life! I also completely agree with team Annabel and Jared!!!!

@Eric…the task you pursued is one of the more difficult adventures that we have the choice of embarking on during our lives. I speak about this strategy at my seminars because I believe that an introspective journey where you are EMPOWERING yourself to create a list of 100 of your best attributes will profoundly impact the way you live your life! Amazing idea and I am so happy that you shared…

@Ideas with a Kick…AMAZING!!!! I love that you already performed this exercise because now you can share this strategy with other people in your world. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone took the time to have a DATE with THEMSELVES?!?! This excites me on so many levels because the result would be an IDENTITY REVOLUTION (as seen on my blog)! Thank you for your contributions….

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Annabel Candy December 5, 2009 at 11:14 am

Thanks everyone. Agree with all you say about the video:

1. I need to practice and get better at it.
2. But only use video in moderation.

Also, if I do more videos maybe make a transcript so people can choose to read it instead and definitely double check for spinach stuck between the teeth before recording:)

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Lori December 5, 2009 at 11:31 am

Hi Annabel,
Woman, you have tenacity, guts, and bravery! Bravo!
Today I’ve seen you drawn as a comic/cartoon/stick figure as well as seen/heard you live on video!
I can’t say I’m brave enough to video myself, but I think you’ve inspired me! What’s to be afraid of, right? Any advice for me?

Thanks for hosting your guest today, too. I really liked his approach to identity – and I think I’m going to take myself out on a date this weekend, too!
~xo

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Tim — Inspiration Pro December 6, 2009 at 10:10 am

I think you presented yourself extremely well on that video, Annabel. You seem like a very very likable person. I think you have every reason in the world to feel confident about posting more videos.

As for the article, Jared, I think really getting to know ourselves and what we really believe in is very important because there are so many people in the world who want us to conform to their ways and beliefs. If we only do what other people want us to do, we will lose our motivation and originality and end up living emptier lives than we have to.

It’s usually best to follow our hearts.

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Randall December 6, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Great video! My hero takes a chance! Just as I thought, your just as charming in video as in your blog. Your video mirrors what is coming through in your blog. Thanks for all you do for us out here in the blogosphere.

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Hilary December 6, 2009 at 10:50 pm

Hi Annabel .. I agree with the others – you’ll get better and become more relaxed, make light of things and generally just smile and not be so ‘anxious’ about it all .. it is practising .. and as you do it – you’ll find other ways to present and put across your views .. excellent for trying .

My identity – I need to refind it again – looking after too many others .. it will happen – but an interesting approach here – thanks to Jared.

Have good weeks – Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories

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Annabel Candy December 8, 2009 at 10:05 pm

Hilary – Thanks, you are so kind. I hope you get the time to look after and reconnect with yourself soon. You deserve it.

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Jared Yellin-Brandentity December 11, 2009 at 6:56 am

@Lori…How was the date with yourself? This is such a powerful exercise and will enable you to learn things about yourself that you may have never realized. Try this on a continuous basis and you will begin to see tangible results surface in your world!

@Tim…I admire your level of consciousness because you have already realized that society (teachers, preachers, family, friends, the news, etc.) will do everything in their power to influence us to live by their terms as opposed to ours. Is this done intentionally? I would hope not, but part of me realizes that the motive behind our actions is often a subconscious thought process to elevate ourselves while others squander. The world was born with a plethora of ordinary people, make yourself extraordinary by going on a DATE WITH YOU!

@Hiliary…I am so happy that you enjoyed and I think it is important that you realize that ALL OF US need to refine our identity because it is not something you achieve, but rather something that becomes part of how you live your life. I am eager to see how your date goes with yourself!

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Nicholas Cardot December 11, 2009 at 7:56 am

You did a great job on your video. Congratulations. You had no reason to be nervous at all. Great work.

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Stephanie December 11, 2009 at 8:51 am

Thanks, Jared for leading me here to Annabel’s site. Annabel – I loved the chat bubble comments in your video!! For me, short videos like yours are a delight. Reading someone’s words after you have seen and heard them gives such a wonderful personal touch and makes this world seem a little bit smaller.

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janet December 11, 2009 at 7:19 pm

Just a nit pick re: the hat draw…………how can we be sure that all the pieces of paper didn’t say Teresa? You need to open up a few loser entries, just to prove next time! However, I am personally not too disappointed as actually I never got round to entering the competition before the closing date! Even though I could probably do with a couple of years of coaching/counselling!!

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